Breast Feeding Regrets

My biggest regret with Graham's first year is not trying hard enough to get Graham to breastfeed from the breast. I accepted a life of pumping almost immediately from getting home from the hospital. I wish I would have given it a little more time. It would have made breastfeeding a much more pleasant experience. Exclusively pumping for 7 months wasn't exactly the most fun thing ever.

Now (as ridiculous as it sounds) I am completely jealous of everyone who gets to breastfeed. 

Continuing on while being completely irrational... I feel like they are bragging to me about their successes and pointing out my failures (I am 100% a crazy mom). 

I will try harder next time. And now when I have baby dreams, I'm always breastfeeding, never pumping. :) 

Beach Trip

We took Graham to the beach this morning! It was his first time since October (so really the first time since he has become opinionated and aware).

He liked being held by his parents.

If he was more than 3 feet off of the ground....

He didn't like being within striking distance of waves on the ground...

But he was cool with being buried in the sand...

And watching Kinsey (from afar, secure from that evil water).

A beach trip isn't complete without a jumping photo.

Laundry Room

One of Graham's favorite places -- the laundry room. 

Happy

Kinsey is here. It makes me happy. All of my family should move here. That would pretty much amazing.

One thing I like about my job is how welcoming they were of John and I when I started. The important thing to notice is the "and John" part. He doesn't work at the same company as me, but right away he was included in all of the social aspects of work. It is so extreme that almost immediately I felt like he could participate in something without me being there. John plays ultimate Frisbee on Fridays with my coworkers and I don't. I watch TV. I used to have GNOs  (before Graham), I sometimes enjoy a glass of wine. Ultimate Frisbee is Kassie time.

Once again, I'm noticing how great it is to work with the people I work with. Kinsey is here for 8 weeks this summer. My coworkers are awesome. They don't make her feel out of place for hanging out with them. I feel like she can go participate in anything that is going on without me being there.

Letter to Mom

Hi Mom,

My big work project is due in 13 days! I'm so excited for them to be submitted! Back to normal work hours and getting to spend more time with Graham. And since Kinsey is here, more time with her!

Speaking of Kinsey. She is pretty great. Seems like she is having lots of fun with Graham. She is a pretty good roommate too (she unloads the dishwasher!). I was concerned that she would be annoyed with getting up when Graham gets up everyday, but she has had a really positive attitude. I really appreciate that. My expectations have been exceeded without a doubt.

Kelsey is going to email me the recipe for that cake you used to make me, we are going to make it for your birthday. I'm taking the day off too. I don't know what we'll do, but I'm sure we'll cry. Your birthday was also Graham's due date, so we'll have to celebrate the day he was supposed to be born. You met Graham last year for the first time right before your birthday. As crazy as it was flying with a baby whose gestational age wasn't even 40 weeks, I am so glad you got to see Graham so much before you died. I wish you could see him now. He is crazy. You would be so in love (because we all know you love crazy).

Graham is getting much closer to walking, he is cruising all over the place, and can stand for a few seconds without holding onto anything. I actually think that he could stand longer without holding anything, but he isn't confident, so he holds on. John and I set the over/under for July 4th, and I took the over. I'm thinking I might lose.

John and I are taking our first vacation without Graham! We are going on a 4 night cruise to the Bahamas in June. We are so excited. Obnoxiously so.

Love and miss you,
Kassie

Happiness Project

Booked a weekend away from Graham at sea over the weekend! Can't wait!

Graham Takes Toy Assisted Steps

Top Ten

Top Ten Reasons Having a Sister / Nanny Living with You is the Best Thing Ever

1. She is willing to work weekends (I think John and I are going to take a 4 night Graham-less cruise in June!)

2. She unloads the dishwasher!

3. She took Graham to story time

4. She says YES when I ask if I should go buy dessert

5. I can hang out with her on Mom's birthday

6. Weekly date nights!

7. She is telling me all of Kelsey's secrets (ha! actually she told me she can't tell me Kelsey's secrets, and all that does is leave me wondering what are Kelsey's secrets?)

8. Graham already totally fell in love with her

9. The favorite aunt competition is over. Kinsey wins. Hands down.

10. I get to have awkward conversations with the "young" people in my department about how they should call my sister to hang out over the weekend.

My Baby is a Genius!

please note: I don't really think he is a genius, but wow he stacked four cups!

So Tall

Graham is so tall he can knock things off of the kitchen table.

He knocked off a glass on Wednesday night, causing it to crash into a million pieces. I was across the room, and yelled "don't move". He didn't move. I lifted him up, placed in his in pack 'n play, and cleaned up the mess.

Scary experience. He had enough time to investigate the little pieces of glass and didn't. Thank goodness. I can't even imagine.

Solution to Fireplace Problem

Graham is scared of this police car. He cries if it comes anywhere near him.

Every since the police car found his new home on top of the fireplace, Graham hasn't approached it.

Why is my 12 month old son so scared of a toy police car?

And what does that say about what kind of citizen he is going to be?

And thanks for Kristen for giving Graham this amazing child proofing devise for his birthday!

Graham Saying Ball

Letting to Mom

Hi Mom,

Kinsey is here. I am jealous of her getting to spend all day with Graham. It doesn't make any sense, because I really don't want to be home with Graham all day, but it is an example of me being a crazy Mom. On Sunday night, before Kinsey had a day with Graham, I mentioned to her she might want to get a gym membership, so she can leave him in the nursery for an hour everyday while working out. She said no. By Monday night, she thought it was a good idea. :)

We went to the pool on Saturday. The water was nice and warm. We played there for around 2 hours. I was surprised he lasted that long.

It seems like Graham is saying ball. At the very least he is saying ball, but whether or not he knows what it means is up for debate.

I noticed a gap in my baby book. I have no idea what I weighed between 15 months and 3 years. What if there is some date in the future where I need this information? :)

I only have 2.5 more weeks of work being crazy. I'm so looking forward to this being over. Kinsey, Graham and I will get to have lots of fun once work gets back to normal.

Aunt Kate texted me on Saturday to ask what size shirt Dad wears. She was getting him an Hawaiian shirt for his birthday. I thought it was really nice that she thought to get him something for his birthday.

Love and miss you,
Kassie

Happiness Project

Blue Diamond Sea Salt Almonds

Eclipse mints

Iced coffee

Balloons are super fun!

Playground shot

Graham likes to blow air up out of his mouth that moves his bangs around.

One Year Well Baby

Graham is 31 1/4 inches long. That translates to the 91st percentile.

Graham is 25.5 pounds. That translates to 87th percentile.

For comparison's sake -- John was 32 inches long and 21 pounds. I was 29 inches and 21 pounds 4 ounces. In my baby book, I have a 15 month stat and then nothing until age 3. Hopefully I do better than that :).

Sleep Issues

Graham has learned how to manipulate me (yay for learning, but seriously, could he just learn a few words before he jumps right into being a manipulative teenager?)

It is now cool (to him) to scream in his crib at bedtime until he either falls asleep or someone comes in the room.

(A random bit on why I love my sister Kaci. I told her about the crying at night. I told her that on Wednesday night I let him cry for 30 minutes. She told me good job. She made me feel better. Everyone else I told made me feel pathetic for only letting him cry it out for 30 minutes. So, thanks Kaci. You are a rock-star at building my self-esteem. I hope everyone goes and reads your awesome blog, and they, too, learn about how awesome you are.)

On Monday night, we had issues. I can't remember specifically how long he cried, and/or how we resolved it. But it was probably a combination of letting him cry, and then going in the room, and back and forth.

On Tuesday night, he fell asleep when I gave him his bottle. I didn't hear him for the rest of the night.

On Wednesday night, he screamed and screamed. John was out for the evening, so it was just me. I doubted myself after 30 minutes of letting him scream. So I went in the room. I decided to play a game on my phone. I sat in the rocking chair, and he alternated between sitting and standing while watching me. After 30 minutes of that I caved, brought him to bed with me, and 15 minutes later I made the transfer back to his crib. I didn't hear from him again until morning.

On Thursday night, John was home. I had support! Doubt didn't start washing over me (and when it did, because if I'm being honest here, I can't handle Graham screaming, John talked me out of going in to Graham's room). And we decided since we are going through this issue, we might as well add another layer and take his pacifier away now too. Graham screamed for 30 minutes and then fell asleep! With no assistance from us (or his pacifier). Yay!

Tonight is a test. Hopefully he screams for fewer than 30 minutes. John is going to be home, so once again, I'll have someone supporting me and blocking the doorway into Graham's room.

Small Town Iowa

I called a local Perry florist to order a plant for my Dad's birthday this afternoon. The conversation reminded me about how different my life is from what it would be in Perry.

1) The florist knows (of) my Dad. She is going to make it extra nice for him, and assured me he would like the arrangement.
2) I said "he lives in the country." I think 80% of Americans don't know what I mean by that. And Graham, if it wasn't for the fact that my Dad lives in the country, would probably have no idea what that means at age 18.

Bottles

We are down to just the night-time bottle with Graham. We dropped his morning and mid-afternoon ones on his birthday. He didn't seem to notice. Right now with the night-time bottle we are doing half formula half whole milk just because we have some formula left (the rest of the day it is 100% whole milk). Once it is gone, we'll switch to just milk. He seems pretty indifferent. He'll drink it cold or warm, whatever, just as long as we are feeding him.

When am I supposed to drop this night-time bottle? Already? Do I just gradually reduce the number of ounces, so he gradually learns that he needs to drink more during the day?

Letter to Mom

Mom,

We went and got Graham's one year pictures this past Saturday. We went to a real photographer (like you wanted us to). I am so excited to see them! She said she should have them ready in about a week.

Miss Sherrie is going to be closed starting next week until early July. She is having surgery. Kinsey is coming on Sunday to nanny for Graham while Sherrie is closed. I am so excited to have Kinsey here! I hope she doesn't get sick of the baby routine after a few days of being home with Graham. Hopefully she'll have use of my car most days, so she can go out and do things.

I booked tickets to go home for the 4th of July for Kaci's wedding shower and bachelorette party. I'm bringing Graham and Kinsey. I am so grateful that Kinsey is going to be flying with Graham and I. That makes everything so much less stressful for me. Traveling alone with an infant was one thing, but with a 1 year old who gets tired of sitting on my lap after 2 minutes is quite another. I'm very excited to take part of all the fun associated with Kaci getting married.

Graham is cruising now. He has been crying after we've put him down the past few nights. I think it he is beginning to get manipulative, because once you pick him up he immediately stops crying. I hate hearing him cry, but I'm trying very hard to let him cry it out.

Graham's one year well-baby is Friday. Doctor appointments are hard days for me. I know that on the way home I would definitely call you to give an update on Graham's stats, but I can't. And that makes me sad.

Love and miss you,
Kassie

Happiness Project

Art work by Graham

And pictures of him creating it.

Loving my first homemade Mother's Day present.

My Mother's Day

I had a great mother's day!

It started off on the right foot -- 1) Graham slept until 7, and 2) John let me stay in bed when Graham woke up. I slept in until (gasp!) 8 am. 

John made me a breakfast casserole, and then we headed off to the zoo. After the zoo, we had sushi, stopped by the mall, and then we hung out at home. I finished reading a book I started forever ago, and we went for a walk. 

All in all a really nice Sunday. 

I was jealous that everyone in my immediate family congregated at my Dad's house, as I always am when they do, and I'm not home. But hanging out with my little family is pretty nice too. :)

Pictures

Standing

Playing catch

Getting ready for 1 year photos.

Graham standing with me.

Mother's Day

I feel like this year is my first mother's day. Last year on mother's day, Graham was in the NICU. He needed help to breathe. I wasn't allowed to hold him without asking permission first. I didn't feel like a mother. I felt like someone watching from the outside.

This year I feel like a mom. Graham smiles when I walk in the room. He'll follow me from room to room. He'll outreach his arms occasionally and ask for me to pick him up.

This is also my first Mother's Day without my mom. My sister, Kaci, wrote a blog post about how she is expecting Sunday to be especially hard for her. I hadn't thought about it being hard. I've only focused on the "me" part of Sunday. I've only thought about how it is my day, and what I want for breakfast. Kaci has lived close to home most of her life (with an exception of a few college adventures) versus I've been away for 7 years. I think the reason I don't feel the way she feels is I'm pretty sure I haven't spend a mother's day with my mom for 7 years, and even then I don't remember it being an overly special day.

Party Favors

Graham's first birthday bubble party favors that we forgot to give out.

Graham at a Year

He is opinionated. 

He loves to explore. 

He'll follow you from room to room (unless something distracts him on the way). 

He can get into a sitting position from standing without plopping/falling. It is controlled.

He loves to stack things. The tallest he has done is 3 items.

He loves the tubberware drawer in the kitchen.

He loves his baby faces book.

He pulls all the books off of his bookcase.

He likes to put things places (like a stacking cup on top of a chair).

He doesn't cruise yet.

He doesn't like shoes.

He loves food.

He has gone three days without a daytime bottle. 

He waves bye-bye.

He claps. 

He'll sometimes repeat bye-bye.

He'll sometimes repeat uh-oh.

He likes balls, playing catch, and following them all around the house.

He likes things that make noise. Loves to drop toys on the hardwood to hear the sound it makes.

He gets very excited to see other kids on walks.

He loves bath-time and splashing.

He is happier in the car when we are driving in town (there is stuff to see) versus the highway.

He likes rubbing his face on fleece blankets.

Letter to Mom

Mom,

Wow. I miss you. Just thought you would like to know. I went to dinner with friends on Tuesday night, and I cried and cried on the way home. Bottom lip quivering cry. Can you come back for a while? I could handle a few more days of your craziness.

Graham is one. Can you believe it?

He is becoming such a person. I love it. It is amazing. I can see why you had five of them.

At the same time, it is all so bittersweet. You aren't supposed to lose this many family members in a year. You aren't supposed to lose both your (surviving) grandparents, an uncle and your mother. You aren't supposed to. The reality of all of this is sinking in. You are all gone. You aren't coming back.

I was thinking on the car ride that you are so lucky. You got your parents for so long. I am so jealous. I want more time with you! But you lost your sister when she was so young, I can't even imagine. I really can't even imagine.

When did you stop randomly crying because of Jane? How long did it take? When did the frequency become less than weekly, less than monthly?

Love and miss you,
Kassie

(hopefully next week I'll be more uplifting, right now I just don't feel very uplifting)

Happiness Project

My 5.5 pound preemie.

To my 25 or so pound 1 year old chunky monkey

Graham Is One!

The year flew by. My little man is one. 

He likes cake, that is for sure.

And is still super cute (always with a side of drool)