Actuary Mom

Pure Joy

2012-02-14T07:13:00.000-05:00

John and Graham were playing pirates. The pirates attacked Graham with one of their most potent attack methods -- tickles.

Best Friends?

2012-02-13T07:05:00.000-05:00

I walked into the family room to find Graham and Gwen like this:

Graham was talking to Gwen about the ball. I know a lot of moms have toddlers that are obsessed with the baby, but NOT here. Graham is very disinterested. Here he is showing some interest, and that alone makes my heart double in size.

Gwen does not take her eyes off of Graham if he is around. She loves following him with her eyes... I imagine when she becomes mobile, she won't leave his side (which I am sure will annoy Graham to no end).

Kinsey bought Graham and Gwen "thing 1" and "thing 2 shirts". Today Gwen wore hers, but Kinsey never came home to witness it.

PSE

2012-02-11T06:02:00.003-05:00

Original:

The clean edit I did:

Black and white action:

Another action:

And another:

Leaving a Child Unsupervised

2012-02-10T13:40:00.000-05:00

This morning, right before John left for the gym at 5:50am, he brought Graham into our bedroom. I guess Graham was awake. For about 20 minutes, I tried to convince Graham in vain that it was still bedtime, and to close his eyes. During that time, he had to go get me a Mickey Mouse, then go get me one of his blankets. After 20 minutes I gave in and turned the TV on. Around then Gwen stirred, and I went and got her and put her in my bed. Gwen and I snuggle in the early morning for an hour or two (or we did, today was my last day of maternity leave, so the morning snuggle time isn't really going to happen anymore). Gwen and I drifted off, and Graham left the bedroom to roam the house unsupervised.

I woke up to screaming at about 7:10 - John just got home from the gym to find Graham freaked out because he was flooding the bathroom by trying to flush a roll of toilet paper and poop down the toilet. It is important to mention the poop - he went to the bathroom by himself, so this isn't all bad (I CANNOT believe we potty trained a child. A human being. I'm still absorbing that.)

Thankfully Graham learns lessons very well... if something scares the crap out of him like flooding the bathroom, he'll never do it again. Kind of like the plug in air freshener in his room. He touched that sucker once when it was on, learned that it was indeed hot, and he has not thought about touching it again. He just looks at it and says, "hot". Yes, lesson (hopefully) learned: you do not flush rolls of toilet paper down the toilet.

John calmed Graham down and brought him back into the bedroom. John then cleaned up the mess, while I continued cuddling with Gwen.

Just before Graham and John left for the day, I overheard John telling Graham that he appreciates that Graham was wiping his own bum, but he can't flush entire rolls of toilet paper down the toilet.

That was news to me ... I had no idea Graham tries to wipe his own bum (I think *tries* is an important distinction here. John believes Graham does an adequate job wiping his bum. I doubt that. And I wouldn't know since I've never given Graham the pleasure of allowing him to wipe it under my supervision. Well unless you think that he was under my supervision this morning, in that case I've only unknowingly allowed him to wipe his own bum.)

When John left for the day, I told him next time Graham is awake before he leaves for the gym and it is my last day of maternity leave, John better just stay home. See, I'm funny. That was my last last day of maternity leave. :)

Back to It

2012-02-10T06:44:00.000-05:00

Today is my last day of maternity leave.

It has gone so quickly. It was so different than maternity leave with Graham. With Graham I was bored so much of the time. I went to the gym EVERYDAY because I needed to get out of the house. With Gwen, I've gone 3 times. THREE times. With Graham, my clothes fit by the time I needed to go back to work. This time, not so much.

With Graham I was so focused on scheduling him. With Gwen, I've just said screw it. She eats every 2-3 hours or so.

With Graham, I was married to the pump. With Gwen, she gets only one bottle per day (middle of the night thanks to John). Gwen hasn't had an ounce of formula. We experimented with Graham and formula to see if he would sleep better (he didn't).

I got Graham dressed everyday. Graham was always changed on his changing table. Gwen wears her pajamas most days. Gwen's diaper is most often changed on the couch. Much to John's dismay, sometimes her wet diapers hang out on the couch for hours too.

Graham napped in his bouncy seat. Gwen naps in her swing. At this point, Graham was sleeping through night. Last night Gwen slept til 4am, so we are getting there. Graham was bathed twice a week. Gwen is bathed once a week.

For the most part this comparison paints me as lazier with Gwen than Graham. That is probably accurate.

The last lazy day is tomorrow, then it'll be back to it. Thankfully I'm working part-time (30 hours), and I will hopefully mostly work from home. That'll make the transition easier.

Thankfully this time around Gwen is starting at the best home daycare ever, and I have no anxiety about her spending her days there. It is a wonderful environment that I am so thankful to have.

I know I don't want to stay at home. But at the same time on my last day of leave, I'm not quite ready to go back.

My Son, The Eater

2012-02-09T06:22:00.023-05:00

When you pick your kid up from school, you expect the teacher to say things like:

"Your son is so smart"

"He listens really well"

"He is such a joy"

But no. All I get is:

"Boy your son can eat"

Yes. He is a good eater. I'm not sure what that means, but hopefully it helps me he'll: be smart, have ambition, and be a hard worker.

Fingers crossed that there is a correlation. :)

Because if there isn't my grocery bill is insane just because Graham likes to eat. And I am too much of a crazy mom to let him eat the cheap crap.

Another PSE Edit and Wonderful Family

2012-02-08T06:14:00.001-05:00

Here is the edited version:

The original:

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I want to a do a quick shout out to my family. :) They are pretty wonderful. After my maternity leave, I am very very short on PTO. Gwen's childcare provider is going to be closed for a week and a half in June and my lovely sister Kelsey has agreed to fly down here and help us out! Then there is that upcoming trip to Europe for the wedding. My lovely sister Kaci has agreed to help us out there! Thank you thank you thank you! I am going to owe some major babysitting time once all of my sisters - Kaci, Kelsey and Kinsey decide to have kids. :) I so appreciate how easy it is to ask them to help and how eager/willing they are to help out.

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Grandma Terry visited this past weekend. I love this picture mostly because the one person who is most unlikely to look at the camera (Graham) is actually looking. Oh... and he is wearing his backpack. The photo was taken on Sunday when we got the backpack out for big boy school.

Day 1 of Big Boy School

2012-02-07T11:35:00.000-05:00

First off... there is no photo documentation of Graham on his first day of big boy school. :( No photo of him proudly wearing his backpack or anything.

He was super super excited to go to school. On Sunday night, we got his backpack out, and he exclaimed "that's my backpack." He says sentences all of the time now, but almost every time he does I'm a little shocked.

During the day he ate all of his food we packed (of course).

He had on accident at lunch time -- which was expected. They tried to get him to pee several times in the morning, but he refused. He held it all morning until lunchtime. He napped for 1.5 hours -- a little bit less than normal, but great for an unfamiliar place. He pooped on the potty after nap time! So maybe he came around to the idea of using the potty there...

When I picked him up, he didn't want to leave. And this morning, he was ready to go to big boy school. No tears. Just excited.

My biggest source of anxiety about big boy school is packing his meals. He eats breakfast, lunch and snack there, and we provide it all.

So far for breakfast he had oatmeal on day 1 and cereal on day 2. We'll probably settle into a cereal with fruit routine there because it is easier. I like the idea of oatmeal because it is so wholesome - I just throw in some fruit and honey, and we don't put in any brown sugar; but that takes a few extra minutes in the morning to prepare when we are already so rushed getting out of the house.

For lunch I've done peanut (well soy) butter and jelly sandwiches with different sides. Day 1 the sides were yogurt with mandarin oranges and granola, berries and grapes, and vanilla wafers. Day 2 the sides were yogurt with pineapple and granola, berries and grapes, steamed broccoli and cauliflower, and a piece of corn bread. They hold something back from the lunch box for snack. It seems like a lot for a 2 year old, but Graham is an eater. He ate everything on day 1, and on day 2 I expect he'll eat everything but the veggies.

This whole providing food thing is going to break our food budget.

I need more food ideas ... we have to be kosher - so we can't serve meat and dairy at the same meal. Dairy always wins with Graham, so I think it is easier to just go meatless. Also his class a tree nut ban (which is why we have the soy butter, next time I have to buy I'm going to buy the sunflower seed variety to see how that compares). Any suggestions?

Eyes

2012-02-06T13:47:00.000-05:00

Gwen looking very concerned about her current location (the zoo).

Graham doing what he does best -- eating. :) Basically the only time you can get a photo of him.

yum

Graham at 2 years 9 months

2012-02-03T18:47:00.000-05:00

Graham still likes pirates.

His favorite show right now is Little Einsteins.

Graham is basically potty trained.

He loves to pretend things are trains or train tracks or sea-saws.

He'll eat half a round object and then call it a "half circle".

He'll then eat a little more and call it a moon.

Graham will take the cookie (or whatever it is) and hold it up to the sky. "Moon in the sky."

His favorite beverage is milk.

He likes to call me "my mom" and John "my dad".

Graham's last day at baby school was today.

Next week he starts "big boy" school. At least that is what it is called in our house.

He can put on his own underwear and pants (if you don't mind if they are backwards).

Graham doesn't scream when you pour water on his head at bath time now. I'm not sure when that happened since I only give him a bath once in a blue moon.

There he is loving on Gwen too quickly for the phone camera.

There is an example of Graham dressing himself. The waist band is around one of his legs, and a leg of the shorts is around his waist.

There Graham is eating his last snack at "baby school". :( It was a very special snack - a cupcake, cookie and ice cream.

This was a photo for John when he was out of town.

Just Some Photos

2012-02-02T06:12:00.001-05:00

I got out my 50mm lens yesterday. All of these are SOOC.

I captured some sweet smiles. She was happy when I was taking these photos. From 5:30pm until bedtime... well that is another story.

I played around with my depth of field. I just love those toes.

She was sporting her baby legs. I totally love those things - so much easier than tights.

Formula Update

2012-02-01T11:39:00.000-05:00

Last night I wrote a post complaining about wal-mart, and how they told me the wrong coupon policy.

This morning I went to Target, and I was able to use my similac checks and my manufacturers coupons without issue at all. In the end, I got 4 tubs of formula for half price.

Suck it wal-mart. You irritate me.

I still don't have the bananas or cornbread mix that I was also going to purchase at Wal-Mart yesterday, but at least I know I didn't overpay for formula that I don't even need.

Single Mom Experiment and Wal-Mart

2012-01-31T21:04:00.003-05:00

I'm sort of halfway there. I've survived. I'm mostly just tired. With John I get breaks. I can wait to shower when he gets home, and I can shower and not worry. Without him here, I either bring Gwen into the bathroom and constantly peek out that she is happy or sleeping or worry that she is screaming in the other room. When John is home, I can just shower. And enjoy the quiet. I don't know what people do when their toddler is home. I guess they wait for nap time or shower with them.

I am too fond of downtime to handle a husband that travels constantly. I need the downtime.

The second difficult part is sleeping. Gwen has been waking up at 3am for quite some time now. Some nights it is 6.5 hours, 6 hours or 5 hours depending on what time she falls asleep. But it seems like she just wakes up at 3 independent of what time you finally put her down. Usually John does the 3am feeding. Then I do the 6am one that follows (you can read through the lines there... usually I get to sleep through the night. I am married to a pretty fantastic guy). This week I am clearly doing the 3am, but to make matters worse so far the 6am one has become 5:30am, and Graham has woken up at 6:30am both days so far. In the end, I'm basically getting no sleep from 3am on. Or at least it feels like no sleep.

We/I need to start trying to give her the pacifier to get her to extend the sleeping times. Most likely the paci would put her back to sleep for a while. I'm struggling with that because:
1) she only eats for 10 minutes. It is way easier to just feed her and go back to sleep than to get up give her the paci and expect to have to get up again in 30 minutes or an hour
2) I'm paranoid she'll wake up Graham. Especially at the 5:30am/6am feeding.

With Graham right around now, I learned that if I moved him into his car seat, he would fall back asleep for a couple more hours. I could try that tonight with Gwen. Refer back to #1 though.... that is a big issue. She is such a quick eater.... if I am already getting up, why bother with trying to temporarily trick her? Now I remember why... I don't want a baby who doesn't sleep through the night EVER.

We've been surviving. I'm pretty sure Graham is missing his dad, since his dad is way more fun that I am. Even more now that I just went into his room because Graham was crying, and I said, "I know you miss your dad", and he had one of those "my dad just died sobs and I can't help buy cry because you talked about him." Oh to be two years old (or 31 years old... because Graham I feel sort of the same way)... to be 100% clear, John is just in NYC, not the morgue.

I don't think Gwen cares in the least. Just as long as she is being fed and poops occasionally she is pretty happy. :)
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Since I am posting - I'll include a random rant about Wal-Mart. I went there today because I have two $5 manufactures coupons and two $5 checks from similac for formula. Wal-Mart is always a little cheaper than Target and since I was only going to buy the stuff because I had the awesome coupons and they were going to expire before I am planning on stopping nursing, I went to Wal-Mart.

I didn't choose a great cashier. Probably the worst one ever. She scanned my items. Then I gave her my coupon. Then I gave her the similac check. She told me she couldn't use both, I told her yes you can. One is a coupon and one is a check. Then we had to wait and wait and wait and wait for a manager. The manager said the same thing. I told them never mind then - It'll be cheaper at Target. And I didn't buy anything, I told them never mind on the whole purchase.

I'll go to Target tomorrow. When I got home, I googled the whole thing to see who was right - me or the cashier. I was. We'll see what happens at Target.

How Not to Put Your Baby Down for a Nap

2012-01-31T11:35:00.000-05:00

This is what happens when I am taking a shower, Graham decides Gwen needs to nap, and John is supervising.

You play where is the baby?

It wasn't safe, that is for sure, but Graham was sharing his blankets and animals. Which is pretty sweet.

Favorite January Photo

2012-01-30T20:32:00.000-05:00

I'm linking up with "I Clicked it Up a Notch's" favorite January photo contest.

My sweet baby, Gwen, 2 months old.

Happy Birthday to Kinsey!

2012-01-30T06:49:00.006-05:00

This is what John calls a lame post.

Happy Birthday Kinsey!!!

In honor of her 24th birthday, I could write about things I remember from her being a kid, but I remember very little. I was a selfish 7 year old. One who didn't care that she had a new little sister. I already had two little sisters and a big brother, what is another one?

So instead, I'll honor Kinsey with a "Kinsey at 24 years 0 months Post":

Kinsey is a math teacher.

She doesn't like students who don't try.

She likes students who try.

She feels bad for students that try but still don't do well.

Kinsey likes to go to bars where you can talk to people.

She keeps secrets from me and her sister Kaci, but tells Kelsey everything.

Kinsey drives a car that doesn't go when you tell it to go.

She likes crime dramas.

Her diet while more varied than in college is still pretty boring.

She likes fast food.

Kinsey has started boot camp.

She is a great babysitter, but beware if you don't pay her, she won't clean up after your kids. I'm not sure what happens when you pay her.

Kinsey enjoys cheap rent.

She doesn't like sweet potatoes.

Kinsey likes McFlurries.

She doesn't blog.

Her twitter feed is private.

Kinsey doesn't allow other people to photos that she is tagged in on facebook.

She thinks her niece and nephew are pretty cool people.

Kinsey eats PBJ for lunch. Sometimes a turkey sandwich, when she goes to the grocery store and buys her own lunch food. :)

She likes math.

I don't think she reads books for fun.

She watches Dexter and Criminal Minds.

There she is with my super cute Dad.

iPhone

2012-01-29T11:03:00.000-05:00

I was trying to take some photos of Graham with my iPhone today. He asked me to flip the camera over so he would be able to see the photo as I was taking it (the self portrait setting). Seriously he is 2. It took me like 10 years after the first iPhone was released to get an iPhone. He is two and realizes there is a self portrait setting on the phone. Thank goodness we don't have an iPad or else he would probably know more about technology than me.

Leaving Gwen

2012-01-27T06:43:00.000-05:00

I haven't really taken very many photos the past few days. I've been pretty lazy. Gwen is wearing her deep-after-Christmas-clearance outfit that doesn't have anything to do with Christmas. It says "Snow Princess" which by the way Target, is never appropriate in FL -- it should have been 90% off when it was initially put on the rack. But yes Target, it is super cute on Gwen, especially for $2.

In June, we are taking a family Disney Cruise. We are leaving Gwen home with Aunt Kinsey. I am really looking forward to some quality Graham time on that trip.

Now somewhat (somewhat because I knew it was coming, but I was expecting more the fall time frame) unexpectedly John and I have a wedding to go to in Europe this summer. I have another awesome, amazing, wonderful sister (Kaci) who said she can watch Graham and Gwen so John and I can go child-free (because a 2.5 year old on a 8 hour flight -- I think not. And a 7 month old with the time changes -- I think not). I'm sitting here in complete shock that I am going to be leaving my little girl TWICE before she turns 1 to go to foreign countries. Worse yet, I am planning on stopping nursing for these vacations. I am sort of considering pumping at least on the cruise, but I don't think the Europe trip would work with pumping.

So there you go... my baby is only going to get her "breast is best" for 7 months because I am selfish. And like to vacation. Without children.

2 Month Stats

2012-01-26T09:57:00.000-05:00

Gwen had her 2 month appointment yesterday. The shots were fine. Predictably, she cried then slept away the afternoon. Shots are way worse when they are older and you have to help hold them down. Right now, it is five seconds of misery and quickly forgotten. Perhaps my heart isn't quite soft enough. Perhaps.

She weighed in at 11 pounds 14 ounces and was 24 inches long. She is growing like a weed. For comparison's sake - Graham was 11 pounds 15 ounces and 23 inches long. The shocking thing there is Graham was 5.5 weeks early and at birth was only 5 pounds 8 ounces. I am in complete shock that Graham already weighed more than Gwen. I would have thought that would have taken a little longer. So if Gwen is growing like a weed, did Graham grow like a fertilized weed? (I googled what they put on plants to make them grow faster and everything was about growing drugs... oh my, I decided to just guess that fertilizer helps).

Gwen is over 11 pounds, which means this little one has enough fat on her bones to sleep through the night. Graham started sleeping better when I flew home with him for a week and had to do every feeding myself when he was around 10-11 weeks old. I feel like next week is almost a dare... hey Kassie, you are on solo mom duty again. Can you get your second child to sleep through the night by yourself? If so, you will have super bragging rights over John for at least a week. So fingers crossed that Gwen decides next week is the week she'll start sleeping through the night (as if I have any real control, I'm not going to cry it out just yet. Plus it is WAY easier to put her on my boob for ten minutes than for her to wake up Graham.).

BTW, I am so enjoying Miss Gwen these days. She is smiling, cooing, and she'll just stare at me and make the sweetest faces. She has already started scooting a little bit... I don't know how she does it, but I'll put her somewhere, and she'll be 1/4 of the way turned around when I get back, or off of the blanket. My guess right now is Gwen doesn't take until 15 months to walk like her big brother.

The Potty

2012-01-25T07:56:00.000-05:00

Graham is doing great. He tells me when he has to go, he goes in the bathroom on his own, does his business. He'll put his underwear and shorts (yes shorts, it is like summer here right now) back on by himself. He'll occasionally pee his pants, but it is fairly rare (once every other day?).

But...

Last night after bedtime he came out to pee several times. The first two times he actually peed. The third, he sat and sat and nothing. I told him he had to go back to bed, and helped him get his diaper back on. Then he said, "maybe POOP."

Manipulative little crapper (I can't help the puns... they are WAY too easy with potty training).

I didn't let him try again, and made him go to bed.

How do I handle this without squelching his potty training spirit? We are doing so well during the day, I don't want to be negative a night. But he NEEDS to sleep. Help please.

Sweet Baby Girl

2012-01-24T06:47:00.002-05:00

Such a cutie.

Here is my edited version of the picture above. Someday soon I hope to be embarrassed by these early attempts. :)

A collage of some smiley Gwen photos too:

Competitive Planks

2012-01-24T06:09:00.000-05:00

John is competitive with me.

For people who know me in real life, that is pretty obvious. He can't stand not being as good at something as I am, even when it is 100% obvious he should be better than me.

Case in point: The other night I was doing a plank. To remind anyone who forgot - I recently was pregnant, and had a c-section to boot. The end result? I have NO abs. I have fat and extra skin. My planks are measured in seconds, not even close to minutes.

John had to start doing planks at the same time as me, to see who would last longer.

I had the last laugh though, since Graham decided to up the ante with John:

It Only Took 2 Months

2012-01-23T15:26:00.003-05:00

Graham finally let Gwen sit on his lap!

It only took until Gwen was 2 months old.

The other night when I put Graham down for bed, I gave him Mickey, and asked if he wanted Goofy. He didn't want Goofy. I asked if he wanted any other stuff animals, and he asked for Pluto. We don't have a Pluto. He gave me a very sneaky look when he asked.

I bribed Graham on Sunday with a JELLY BEAN to get some photos by the window.

He heard John's car pulling in the garage, so he had to go check it out.

He played make believe with the dining room hutch by pretending (the empty) wine rack was choo choo tracks (and by playing I really mean -- he continued his normal day to day life where anything and everything magically becomes either choo choo train tracks or bridges or boats in the water underneath the bridge).

I got him to sit down for a minute when I let him play with a necklace (I didn't edit any of these photos, this one needs cropped, but you get what you get. I'm learning photoshop and if I tried to edit the photos I would be done in 2 weeks).

The lesson is never under estimate the power of a necklace. Either to complete an outfit or to entertain a toddler.

For the most part, he just wanted to sit on my lap. I tried to explain to him a"self portrait" is quite difficult to pull off with a DSLR. That is one type of photo that is better with a point and shoot.

Graham has been diaper free for awake time for about a week now! I think we've had 3 accidents at home since the double poop accident night (which I think was early last week). Things are going great on the potty training front! Only took five months... Graham sure does take a while to warm up to new things or people. :) (do you like how I tied the whole post together... comparing how long it took Graham to potty train to how long it took him to be willing to sit with his sister?)

Saturday was a Lovely Day

2012-01-22T08:18:00.001-05:00

I have no photos. But it was quite lovely.

In the morning, we went to the park while John played ultimate Frisbee. Graham played. He played well. Gwen was happy. I got to talk to some of my favorite mom friends.

We came home. Graham ate lunch. A perfectly ripe avocado and some other stuff. I snacked on some of the avocado, and it was yum.

Then our babysitter came. And John and I left the house for FIVE hours. I had no guilt about leaving the baby sitter with the kids because she was paid (unlike our usual free sitter - Kinsey). I had no guilt for leaving John with both of them (because he was with me). I was able to enjoy my afternoon with John and two of my favorite couples. Perfect.

I needed that.

Gwen at 2 Months

2012-01-21T06:25:00.000-05:00

Gwen has a clear preference for her mother.

I constantly remind John we need to work on that or else when I go away for a week (or 4 days), which I will eventually, he will not have fun.

Gwen is on a very loose schedule. She eats every 2 - 3 hours. Is that considered a schedule? (humor me and let me believe it is a schedule).

She likes to nap in her bouncy seat at home.

She takes the best naps when we are out and about.

At night Gwen is sleeping from around 8:30pm to 2:00am or so then to 5:00am or so. She always goes right back to sleep after you feed her (thank you Gwen).

One night she only woke up once. One night.

She smiles.

Gwen's favorite way to be held right now is like the nursing position with the baby across your body facing you.

She likes to look out the window.

Gwen is a pretty quick eater - 10 minutes and she is good to go.

She'll hold her head up for tummy time, especially is she is on the boppy, but even if she isn't on the boppy she'll do it for a few moments.

Gwen's hair is already growing back.

Here are some cell phone pics:

Smiles!

Those eyes.

And a blurry photo of tummy time. Graham want Mickey to have some tummy time too. Too cute.

I'm Slowly Learning

2012-01-20T19:52:00.002-05:00

After the class last night from Everyday Elements, I am slowly learning. The class was so valuable for me. I was starting at 0, and everything confused me about photoshop 24 hours ago. Now I sort of have a base. Here is an edit I worked on tonight.

The image below is SOOC (it is cropped):

The following was my attempt at an edit:

I tweaked the white balance, adjusted the coloring, tried to fix the shadows on the upper right side of the photo and brightened the eyes.

There is no way I could have done any of those adjustments in photoshop before last night. I think the class was a success. I have so much more to learn though. I can already see photo editing sucking up all of my free time. I'm going to have to be very selective about what photos to edit...

I *tried* to incorporate some advice. (this last image was added on 1/23/12)

Missing Mom

2012-01-20T06:33:00.004-05:00

Yesterday I went to lunch with two of my coworkers. I left it feeling outright depressed.

It took me about an hour to figure out why. They were talking about their moms (as they should-- I don't want anyone to feel like they shouldn't talk about their moms. you should. usually I love hearing about the relationships), and it made me miss mine something terrible. I talked about the diary my mom wrote for each of her kids, and the fact that I haven't read mine. I realized why I haven't. I know when I read it, I am going to miss her more, and when do I have the time to miss her more (or want to spend a day engulfed in grief)?

My afternoon was sucked away in grief, and I went to pick up Graham with my eyes still red. It has been over two years, and it is still so hard. It is so much easier than at first, but whoa, when it hits me it hits me. I'm sure my postpartum hormones don't help at all...

Photoshop Playing

2012-01-19T06:13:00.001-05:00

I have Photoshop elements, and I have absolutely no idea how to do anything.

Well other than to install and run actions. I can do that if I Google how to do it right before I do it.

I was playing around with some free actions the other day (I don't remember where I got the actions, so I can't give credit):

One of my goals of my maternity leave is to actually learn how to use Photoshop. I'm taking an class tonight, hopefully it is really eye opening. It really shouldn't take much to open my eyes incredibly wide since my starting point is almost negative knowledge (well other than I successfully installed Photoshop elements like six months ago on my computer, and I can open and save photos once I am in the program).

Potty Training

2012-01-18T21:31:00.001-05:00

On Tuesday night, Graham went pee on the potty twice by himself, but pooped in his underwear twice. On Wednesday, Graham had an accident free day. He went to the bathroom by himself every time, got on the toilet by himself, and did his business! Including a #2! Woo hoo!! We are making major potty training progress. As a reward he got four green (he always asks for green) jelly beans and a huge mom/dad/graham happy potty dance.

On Wednesday night, when I put him to bed, he asked me not to lock the door. 100% clearly. I told him okay, but if he came out I would have to lock it. He didn't come out all night!!

I know this outstanding behavior will go down the crapper (I love puns) as fast as it developed, but for right now I feel like I am doing an okay job as a parent.

True Story

2012-01-18T13:49:00.000-05:00

I published this post.

Then a few hours later John emailed me to tell me that he has to travel the week after next. Sunday through Friday night.

My response: Did you read my blog today?

And then when he got home... you better be being me a really awesome gift.... and maybe something about how YES I needed that glass of wine... and maybe some complaints about how Gwen doesn't sleep through the night...

Graham

2012-01-18T06:23:00.001-05:00

Graham and I played in the backyard on Monday afternoon.

There was a cat hanging out, and it was super fun (to Graham) to try to find where the cat went. "Where'd cat go?" was constantly repeated.

Two Kids

2012-01-17T06:44:00.000-05:00

90% of the time, it is great.

The other 10% of the time, it sucks.

So much so that I really dislike being home alone with Graham and Gwen (gasps all around... there is a reason I am not a stay at home mom). Gwen is generally a very happy baby, but when she isn't, Graham is always needing something. Dinner is ALWAYS ready and served to Graham, and Gwen decides "YES I AM HUNGRY NOW!". Then Graham accidentally spills his milk. Or pees his pants. Or eats food that is too hot. Or has dirty hands (for some reason... Graham hates having dirty hands). And I get to eat my food cold when Gwen is full, and Graham's most recent crisis has been resolved.

.... Tonight before dinner, I asked Graham when he would know dinner was ready. I told him that it'll be ready when Gwen cries. Right on cue the oven timer dinged and Gwen started screaming. I asked Graham what that means, and he said, "dinner is ready." I just realized there might be a positive side of this, maybe we are on more of a schedule than I give ourselves credit for....

I'm looking forward to about 2 years from now in those 10% moments. The other 90% of the time, I'm just trying to enjoy having a sweet baby to cuddle with and a super fun toddler who is learning how to express himself. I just prefer to enjoy and cherish those moments when John is home.

Not So Lazy Tummy Time

2012-01-16T06:49:00.000-05:00

On occasion Gwen will decide to not just fall asleep when she is on her tummy (seriously this girl LOVES to sleep on her tummy. She needs to learn to roll over, stat.)

She has the whole, "I'll do it when I want to do it" down pat.

And every once in a while she'll bless you with a smile.

Such a cutie. :)

I can't wait for her to start laughing.

Baby and Mickey

2012-01-15T06:04:00.000-05:00

Graham (6 months) and Mickey.

Gwen (7 weeks) and Mickey.

Seriously how spoiled are my kids?

How To Do a Photo Wall

2012-01-14T13:03:00.002-05:00

I completed my #1 goal of maternity leave -- a photo wall!!

Here is how I did it:

First things first... I bought these frames from target. They were on clearance on the interwebs, but were not at the store. I bought them on the internet (since with the target red card you get free shipping).

A close up of one of the boxes.

I laid the collage out on the floor, told Graham not touch it (and he listened, score). I then flipped the photos over and measured how far most of the hooks were from each other, using the center row as a point of reference.

I sketched it out, in a not very detailed fashion, because I'm a risk taker.

I did the center row first.

Then added some photos below and above (all of those I actually measured out).

On the last few photos, I just took the risk and eyeballed it. John wasn't home. He hates it when I put unnecessary holes in the wall. Since he wasn't here, he didn't hear the excessive hammering. :)

I am totally in love with the finished product!

Are Yawns Contagious?

2012-01-14T06:29:00.000-05:00

Just ask these two...

On the teacups. Supposedly the best ride in the universe.

Once the spinning started smiling replaced yawning.

Baby Blue Eyes

2012-01-13T14:36:00.000-05:00

Gwen and I were waiting outside of Tower of Terror for John to get off the ride.

Of course I took a billion photos of her.

Her eyes were just gorgeous in the light.

These are all SOOC (straight out of the camera), just some pure pretty eyes without any enhancements.

All this while Graham was asleep:

He looks pretty sweet while he sleeps. :)

New Years Party

2012-01-11T06:11:00.000-05:00

Over the weekend, I hosted a toddler's new years party. And because I hosted (and not a super duper hostess like Ginger or Tracie) there was no obvious theme. Well other than the evite said it was a new years party. :)

When there were just 3 toddlers left, I finally got some photos in.

The three of them sat on the fireplace and of course all had books. I guess Graham's was the most interesting. (We did stage them on the fireplace, but the books -- that was not staged.)

They are going to fight over her when the are older.

She is already thinking to herself, "how will I ever choose?"

The three moms that were left. Yay for theme-less parties! :) Yay for my mommy group - I love you ladies!!

Thankful

2012-01-10T06:14:00.001-05:00

I didn't make a list of things I am thankful for around Thanksgiving time (I guess having a baby does get in the way of some things).

So here is my belated what I was thankful for around Thanksgiving time list:

healthy kids

a full term baby

a great job that pays incredibly well that i enjoy

john

that my education paid off (it isn't literally paid off, but you wouldn't pay it off early either at a <2% interest rate)

my mommy group

nap time

our daycare provider. she is amazing.

a 7:30 bedtime. i'll take an early wake up time to enjoy a couple hours in the evening.

kinsey, my best (and only free) babysitter.

the playroom (weird thing to be thankful for, but i am thankful that the toy clutter mostly stays there)

hand me down clothes for gwen

that i have discovered such a fun hobby (photography)

the ability to work part-time

A New Kind of Bliss

2012-01-09T06:03:00.000-05:00

Last week, I had to give my dad a ride to the airport. It was about a 2 hour drive each way. On the way there, I got to have some quality one on one time with my dad. Pretty precious. On the way back I got to enjoy a sbux venti caramel brulee latte (which should be renamed, "candy in coffee form"), sing along with the music and be lost in my own thoughts for two hours. I didn't have to reinsert any pacifiers, feed anyone, do any potty duty, read any books, or anything at all. I just drove and cherished the alone time.

That is definitely a new kind of (I have two children and a break usually involves only having duty with one child) bliss.

Baby Hands

2012-01-07T08:18:00.000-05:00

who doesn't love baby hands?

Gwen at 6 weeks

2012-01-06T06:33:00.000-05:00

Have you noticed that I am really enjoying taking photos of Gwen?

Letter to the Breast Feeding Gods

2012-01-05T09:45:00.001-05:00

Dear Breast Feeding Gods,

I'm pretty disappointed in you.

For six weeks and five days all my baby has had is breast milk. Every. Single. Feeding.

My six week five day old baby has the sniffles. What the heck? Where is the breast milk magic?

My period started back up too. What the heck? Where is the breast feeding magic? Seriously at 6 weeks? What did I do to deserve that?

Please step up your game,

Kassie

Home Improvement, Trains, Sweet Baby

2012-01-05T06:43:00.000-05:00

Last year we added a playroom to our house. As part of the playroom addition, we got some build in space created in the breakfast nook. Up to this point, it has just been a place to gather clutter.

John did some work over the weekend to put some shelves in.

Now the space is actually somewhat functional! The next step is to order the cabinet doors... in about a month, we should have doors covering the new functional space. Very exciting.

This is what my living room looks like right now. I am being taught that the train table isn't big enough to build really fun train tracks.

My sweet baby girl. :) She was 6 weeks 1 day in this photo. The time is going so fast. Gwen is a very lazy tummy timer. She usually falls asleep after about 10 seconds...(slight exaggeration). Seriously though, I bet she would sleep for much longer stretches at night on her belly. She loves it.

A Rare Moment

2012-01-04T06:55:00.000-05:00

Every once in a while after nap time, Graham will climb onto you and give you some major snuggles. It has to be at just the right moment.

And you sit and enjoy it for the 5 or 10 minutes he gives you.

Then running in circles resumes.

And the only time you can get a cell phone picture from that point on is if he is eating. That boy loves to eat.

Graham at 2 years 8 months

2012-01-03T06:37:00.000-05:00

Where does the time go? I can't believe Graham will be 3 in 4 months!

Graham loves trains.

He'll tell us sometimes when he has to pee/poop. Other times he'll ask us to put a diaper on him. We are in potty training limbo.

He loves building with blocks. Graham will try to replicate the photo that comes with the block set.

He loves puzzles. If he is driving you insane, usually you can give yourself a good 20 minutes of quiet if you suggest a puzzle.

Graham sort of loves his sister. He gives Gwen goodnight kisses and hugs. He'll give her her pacifier, and will tell her to shhhh.

He loves feeding the giraffes at the zoo.

He'll eat cheese sometimes.

Graham repeats the question if he doesn't have an answer.

He selectively responds to you.

He sleeps from around 7:30pm to 7am with a nap of about 2 hours in the afternoon.

When you are reading him a book, and you ask him what something is, oftentimes he'll say "no mamma read it."

He loves "dora and boots", not just dora.

This will be his last month at his home daycare, he is going to big boy school in February.

He chews on his blankets. I think he hits every corner before he goes to sleep at night.

Mickey is the sole stuffed animal welcome in his bed right now.

Graham goes to bed in his Jake disguise every night.

He walks around as Jake, with his sword, repeating "I got my sword" over and over again.

Twitter and Art

2012-01-02T22:22:00.001-05:00

I have rejoined the world of twitter.

@actuary_mom

*actuarymom was already taken. really. not a joke.

You should follow me.

I made a collage of some of Graham's art.

The art was just hanging out in the laundry room. That is where things end up that get picked up out of the car (to be clear, things like art accumulate in my car for a long time)-- they get dropped off in the laundry room for a while. The art will generally spend about a month in my car, and then a couple months in the laundry room, at which point a few pieces will get pulled out, and the rest thrown away. Then the cycle repeats (the weak laundry room pun was intentional. weak puns like that amuse me).

But this time I stopped being lazy. I took some photos of the art, made a collage and ordered it from shutterfly. I'm going to frame it and hang it in the playroom. And maybe, just maybe I'll do it again. I think it would be pretty cool to have several of these collages made and hang them all in the playroom.

2012 Goals and Recap of 2011

2012-01-02T06:15:00.001-05:00

The goals I set for 2011 (with end of 2011 commentary):

My 2011 Goals:

1. Build a playroom addition

Done...and I love it!

2. Eat out less (No Eat Out December and January is going great so far)

We did eat out less at the beginning of the year....

3. Cook more (generally when you eat out less, you need to cook more). ;)

Hmm.. this fell apart as the year went on.

4. Read 12 books from the library.... this one will be a tough one, I always buy books. But I can do it, I can go to the library and borrow books. 2011 will be the year of borrowed books. Since I've move to Jax (5 years ago), I've only borrowed one book from the library. I didn't read it, and I returned it late. That reminds me, I have an outstanding fine.

Well it was the year of borrowed books, but just borrowed from friends rather than the library. I still have a pile of books from Margaret that I haven't got to. I did not buy any fiction books (I did buy some photography books and cookbooks).

5. Replenish the savings used to do #1 by December (2, 3 and 4 help with that).

Done. Well it was done, and since then it has mostly been un-replenished due to a 2012 goal.

6. Stop leaving rinsed off dishes in the sink because it apparently drives John insane, even though he thinks it is okay to leave dirty dishes on the table. Hopefully as a goodwill gesture John will stop his annoying habit too.

Kassie FAIL. John FAILed as well. We continue to annoy one another.

7. Get knocked up. :)

Success.

My 2012 Goals:

1. Read at least 12 books. I used to read a lot, not so much now. I find it too difficult with Graham. He'll interrupt me while I am reading, and I hate to be interrupted while reading. I think I probably read way more than 12 books in 2011, but I'm not sure. This is really not a stretch goal.

2. Enjoy the moment. Make sure that I enjoy this baby time because by this time next year, I will only have borrowed baby time (when friends/family have babies).

3. Take another photography class. I'm not just sure which one to take and how much money I want to spend. Suggestions are welcome.

4. Refinance our primary residence. This one should be happening in April/May. :) We have been pretty aggressively paying down our mortgage, and we are almost not upside down.

5. Cook more. One of the main reasons I am going part-time when I go back to work is this goal. We want to cook more, but after working all day, picking up Graham (and now Gwen too), I didn't ever feel like cooking something real. In 2012, I'll be part-time. Hopefully that'll help.

I Make Pretty Eyes

2012-01-01T06:22:00.000-05:00

In honor of the new year, I'm going to show off Gwen and Graham's eyes. :)

We played outside yesterday, on New Year's eve since it was in the mid 70's. Beautiful weather for my Dad's visit. Beautiful light to showcase their eyes.

We also stopped at the beach (Kinsey, Dad and I).

Ate lunch at Cap's. Yum.

And walked around St. Augustine. Graham scored another pirate shirt thanks to my dad too. Spoiled boy.

Top 11 of 2011

2011-12-31T09:04:00.001-05:00

2011 was a great year! I can't wait to see how my photography improves in 2012! :)

Here are my top 11 photos of my children (it still blows me away that I say "children" now, it is plural!):

1. Graham on the Disney Dream

2. Playing at Grandpa's house (this one might be my favorite one... I love the light).

3. A photo shoot

4. Feeding the giraffes

5. Vacationing at the lake

6. Carousel at Walt Disney World.

7. Playing with trains

8. So happy to be a pirate. Technically this is not a great photo, but I love the grin. That boy was SOOO happy to be a pirate. Heck he is playing in the playroom right now as a pirate.

9. My sweet daughter, Gwen

10. My crazy kids. It is super hard to get a photo of the two of them together. This was my best one from 2011. Fortunately in 2012 I get 12 months to improve on this one, rather than just 1.5 months I got in 2011.

11. Feisty Gwen

To link up your top 11 of 2011 go here:

Out of Focus...

2011-12-31T06:13:00.000-05:00

Kinsey took some out of focus family photos of us the other night. I really like them except for the whole out of focus bit.

So it goes, having Kinsey as your photographer.

And here is a recent photo of Gwen, I've been slacking on the blogging front.

Baby Feet

2011-12-30T21:13:00.000-05:00

So sweet.

And Kinsey got a new car for Christmas. :) Just needs a coat of paint.

Lens Cap

2011-12-28T06:50:00.000-05:00

Cute, drippy Graham.

Decided I was done taking photos and tried to put the lens cap back on.

Christmas

2011-12-27T09:35:00.000-05:00

A recap of Christmas day in photos:

Graham put out cookies and carrots for Santa and the reindeer.

In the morning, Graham came to our bedroom to watch a show. After 30 minutes, I asked him if he thinks Santa came. He immediately lit up and said down please! He totally forgot about Santa until I reminded him. I should savor that. Next year, no chance that'll happen.

Graham's haul from Santa. Santa didn't put the pirate ship together, which was pretty lame of him.

Gwen's haul. And her super cute outfit from Aunt Bridget. It was the first time Gwen wore tights.

Graham playing with his gift from Gwen.

A family picture.

Graham and Cupcake Bribes

2011-12-26T06:55:00.000-05:00

Someday if Graham ever reads this blog, he might be a little jealous of all of the photos of Gwen that were featured after her birth, and the very limited number of Graham.

I'll try to explain to him that a bribe was required to get him to sit in place for more than one second, and Gwen did it for free.

Fortunately there were some cupcakes in the house on Christmas Eve.

The photo shoot and cupcake resulted in two satisfied customers. :)

Nursery Progress

2011-12-24T06:17:00.001-05:00

We got the letters in for Gwen's nursery:

I love them. :) So much easier than wooden letters too. I'm all about things you just stick on the wall.

Note that Gwen matched her nursery walls today. :)

Ignore the things in her crib that aren't supposed to be in her crib. You actually can't see the worse of it... she is sleeping in her pack in play in my bedroom right now, so her crib has become a bit of a storage bin.

In the first photo you can see a bit of Gwen's nursery in general becoming a bit of a extra large storage bin. John and I need to work on that. She is going to be moving into her room in a week or two. I really don't want to trip during a middle of the night visit to the extra large storage bin. I prefer to visit clean bedrooms in the middle of the night.

....and just because I love this one.

Finally... Santa!

2011-12-23T06:17:00.000-05:00

Having a baby right before Thanksgiving really delays the annual trek to meet Santa Clause. We finally ventured to the mall on Thursday morning.

I had Gwen dressed in a "baby's first Christmas" onsie. But she had a blowout before we left the house. It didn't matter, I wasn't planning on having her take a photo with Santa regardless, she was snug and sleeping in the moby wrap while we did the whole Santa thing. Check out her receding hair line... this girl is going to be bald in a few days.

We had to wait in line for about 15 minutes. It was not fun. For anyone. Except maybe Gwen, since she was fast asleep in the wrap.

I tried to entertain Graham by showing him our reflection in an ornament.

Graham spots Santa. This picture does not capture the hell that it was waiting in line, it makes it seem like we had fun waiting in line. Well except maybe for the death grip John has on Graham's hands.

And the main event. Graham was happy to sit on Santa's lap. Graham told Santa he wanted choo choo trains.

Then we promptly avoided the line where they try to get you to buy the photos and went to eat lunch at chick-fil-a. Yum.

While at home, Graham posed like that without me asking. The expression on Graham's face basically sums up my life when I am home alone with Graham and Gwen. :)

Story Time and Woody

2011-12-22T06:10:00.000-05:00

Graham, Gwen and John reading.

See the Woody doll behind John? It was a hand-me-down toy that we broke out the other day after an exceptional potty day.

Graham got really excited about it. It has a pull string that you pull and then Woody talks. Woody says things like - "you are my #1 deputy" and "my name is woody".

Then it said "there are snakes in my boots" and Graham wanted nothing else to do with Woody. Graham looked at Woody's boots very suspiciously and decided snakes were not worth messing with.

After John and I tried to convince Graham that was just an expression, and Woody really doesn't have snakes in his boots, he gradually warmed up to Woody again. When Woody says "there are snakes in my boots" now, Graham says, "no snakes, no snakes."

Gwen at 1 month

2011-12-21T06:01:00.000-05:00

Gwen sleeps.

Gwen eats.

Gwen is awake sometimes for 30 minutes at a time.

She will sleep for one or two four hour stretches at night.

Gwen isn't addicted to her pacifier yet.

She nurses well.

She'll take a bottle.

Occasionally she'll find one of her fingers in her mouth, and she'll go to town on it. Then she'll lose it again.

She cries when she is hungry.

If she is fussy and not hungry, she may want to be left alone on the floor, held so that she is sitting up, or rocked while you are standing.

She is an expert at blowing out diapers.

Gwen is losing her hair. If you rub the top of her head, your hand comes away with fur residue.

We had some really nice light in these photos.

One Expensive Outfit

2011-12-20T06:20:00.000-05:00

This outfit was also in the sak's box.

It is pretty cute too.

I ordered the letters for Gwendolyn's bedroom wall yesterday.

Except not Emily, it'll be Gwendolyn. :)

Shocking I know, but it was my very first purchase ever on etsy. I've been lurking for a long time, but it was my first time clicking yesterday.

I'm thinking about ordering some canvas prints for my photo wall, but I'm not sure what the best website is to order them from. Any recommendations? There are so many out there. And should I wrap the picture around the edge, or should I let it be a mirror image?

BTW, all of these purchases are the reason I MUST work. If I didn't work, I would want to spend money constantly (see the prior two paragraphs), but I wouldn't have any money to spend. Because I work, I get to spend money. Although when I am working I have much less time to spend money. It is very circular.

4 Weeks

2011-12-19T08:43:00.000-05:00

Gwen is FOUR weeks today. Holy smokes, it has gone fast.

When I walked the 15k, and we got to the first 5k marker I thought to myself, "crap I have to do that two more times, and I really don't want to." I don't feel like that with my maternity leave -- right now I feel like I only get to do that two more times? But I have so much I want to accomplish during the time. Hopefully my rate of accomplishment increases.

There she is, her week by week cuteness.

Last night we pulled out Graham's week by week photo book. Graham and Gwen look at a lot alike once Graham hits around 6 or 7 weeks. Before that, he just looked tiny.

Hair Bow

2011-12-19T06:20:00.001-05:00

I'm slowly entering the world of headbands. Personally I hate to wear headbands or anything that is behind my ears. I'm really sensitive, and they'll give me headaches. Gwen can't communicate if she falls into the same camp, so for now, she is enduring headbands and the cuteness that ensues.

Cute? Yes, I think so. See those cheeks? Someone is becoming a chunky monkey... but she still has a long way to go to get anywhere close to her brother:

That is a chunky monkey.

Back to the sweet hair bow:

Do you recognize that blue? Yep, it is the color the master bath is painted. Yep, Gwen is hanging out on the bathroom floor.

Sugar Cookies

2011-12-18T08:12:00.000-05:00

John and Graham made sugar cookies on Saturday afternoon.

Graham made Christmas tree cookies (a couple Christmas trees, the rest were circles).

He got to put the frosting and sprinkles on.

Then he showed off the beautiful cookies.

The best part of eating the cookies was eating the extra sugar from decorating.

And the sugar high.

And another photo of Gwen.

Why I am Happy to not be Pregnant Anymore

2011-12-17T06:31:00.000-05:00

1. I can roll over in bed.

2. I can get in/out of bed.

3. I don't have to pee every 5 minutes.

4. I can get off the floor easily.

5. My maternity clothes aren't too tight.

6. I can sleep on my back.

7. I no longer feel the need to say "holy heartburn".

8. I don't have to think about having a huge needle stuck in my back again.

9. I don't have to go into that stupid parking garage at the doctor's office on a weekly basis.

10. I get to cuddle with her:

...when she occasionally feels like letting someone love on her.

Up Please and Potty Progress

2011-12-16T09:48:00.001-05:00

Graham doesn't say, "up please" anymore.

He says, "down please" if you are holding him, but never asks to be picked up.

He is such a big boy.

He has been wearing underwear to daycare the past few days. He has had one accident each of the days, but at home. We are getting closer to being potty trained... He ALWAYS ALWAYS seems to have an accident while I am nursing Gwen, and we are home alone. So far that has been the hardest part of having two children -- one stuck on my boob, and one peeing all over the kitchen floor.

What can you do? Just shrug my shoulders, and be thankful I am not a germaphobe.

One Expensive Sweater

2011-12-16T06:38:00.000-05:00

The other day (well probably two weeks ago), we got a package for Gwen from Saks.

My first reaction upon opening it was "the amount of money spent on this box would fund Gwen's entire first year wardrobe, or at the very least the 3-6 month stage".

The was one of the first times I "dressed" Gwen in something other than pajamas and onesies. You can see she was quite fond of the experience.

She is wearing her very first Lilly Pulitzer sweater (from the saks box). It is also likely her last Lilly Pulitzer sweater until she starts funding her own clothing purchases, unless someone else has the good heart to spend lots of money on Gwen's clothing. She is wearing a hand-me-down dress, and some baby leg things that I bought on the interwebs.

Here she is looking cute in her random, not really matching outfit.

And a real good look at the sweater, that I have to admit, while much too expensive for a little baby whose favorite activity is spitting up, is really cute.

Some Photos

2011-12-15T06:07:00.000-05:00

We went to the riverside art market on Saturday morning and bought Gwen her first headband.

Family photo time. Graham showing some interest in his sister. He attitude has improved a lot over the past week. He is listening better, and is actually a help to me (fetching diapers, pacifiers and whatnot for Gwen for me).

Aunt Kaci and Gwen. Hanging out. We already miss Kaci lots.

Shocking Post of More Gwen Photos

2011-12-14T10:16:00.000-05:00

20 days old.

3 weeks.

Here she is, dressed like Graham. I love these pajamas. Even on her.

22 days old.

She was fussy this morning. Not really too into taking photos.

A Top 5 Day for Graham

2011-12-14T10:06:00.000-05:00

On Sunday morning, Aunt Kaci did every fun toddler activity in the book (well 3 of them). Definitely one of Graham's top 5 days in his life. Aunt Kaci was working on the favorite aunt position. She was definitely the favorite for a few days; but unfortunately for her, she has 1300 miles that separate Graham and her on a daily basis. Kinsey has a clear advantage since she lives down the hallway.

They baked:

Look how proud he looks. His mom needs to step up her game and let him help in the kitchen (yes, that is the potty in the background. yes, it is still in the kitchen).

He made the cookies (and then patient Kaci remade them).

The finished product!

We brought the cookies to the toddler Christmas party, and they were a huge hit. Who knew that a 2.5 year old made them?

Kaci got out the play dough.

Which is always super fun.

Especially when your mom and Aunt Kaci let you put all of the colors together in one big ball.

And they painted. Which I don't have any photo evidence of, but you'll have to trust me, it was super fun.

Seriously one of Graham's best days ever. He got to do three fun activities that his parents never do with him. :) Thanks Kaci!!

A Difference in Perspective

2011-12-13T10:05:00.000-05:00

I was telling John the other day that I think the whole sleep deprivation thing with a newborn is way worse when you are looking back on it, and not while you are in the middle of it.

He thinks differently, he thinks being in the middle of it is worse.

All I know is with Graham 6 weeks was a magical number, and he started sleeping a lot better. I want Gwen to realize Graham was 5.5 weeks early, so she could start sleeping better any day now.

...Gwen is actually sleeping way better than what Graham was at this point (if my memory serves me correct... but then again my memory might be flawed).

Last night John and I were talking about how I feel busy and have a lot of to do. He looked at me like I was crazy. He thinks I sit around and watch TV all day (it is true so much of what I have to do involves taking daily photos of Gwen, decorating our house, getting pedicures; but still every two to three hours one Gwen demands to be fed, changed and burped.)

Then as we were going to sleep, I brought up how much more he helped out with Graham in the middle of the night versus Gwen, and how he is making me feel guilty about asking for help. His response was, "it all comes back to having another baby being your idea." I think his mom needs to have a conversation with him about being a good husband and things you should never say to your wife. :) (I'm fairly certain that John only said that to get a rise out of me, and he did not mean it. It was effective. I was/am annoyed.)

Gwen's First Evening Parentless

2011-12-12T09:22:00.001-05:00

Last night, John, Graham and I went to a holiday party and left Gwen at home with Kaci and Kinsey. It was her first night without one of her parents, and only her second bottle. I left her 2.5 ounces of milk, and she was starving by the time I got home. I guess she drinks more than that each feeding.

It was really nice to go somewhere just with Graham and John. Graham didn't communicate it, but I'm pretty sure he liked the idea of just going with his mom and dad. He actually interacted and played with some of the other toddlers too. Which is always nice. When we went to the ENT almost a year ago, he asked me if Graham was playing with other kids yet, and I said no. He told me that is a little behind on that. I think that ENT had his milestones screwed up.

We also made a craft:

It was the best craft ever. It just involved Graham picking out what he wanted glued on the tree, and then where he wanted it glued. Yay for easy crafts! It is proudly displayed on our fridge.

John did his first overnight feeding last night, so I actually got to sleep for almost 5 hours straight (that was Gwen's third bottle). It was glorious.

Christmas Tree Fun

2011-12-11T07:13:00.000-05:00

There I am.

Graham and John in front of the tree.

Photo Dump

2011-12-10T11:28:00.000-05:00

Aunt Kaci is here visiting until Monday. It is great to have someone to talk to during the day.

This is the best photo I have of her and Gwen together, I need to try to get some more before she leaves.

She took this WONDERFUL photo of Gwen and I together. I LOVE it.

And here is sweet Gwen. Hanging on the floor for her almost daily photo shoot. I asked Graham if he wanted to take some photos this morning, and he refused. I need to enjoy this while it lasts. Soon enough I'll have to start taking pictures of flowers.

And a yawn. Because I love babies yawning.

In Honor of Ginger

2011-12-09T09:47:00.001-05:00

I don't have much to blog about today; but in honor of Ginger, I'm writing one.

Last night I had bunco, but instead of playing bunco we did an ornament exchange. It was my second night out since Gwen was born -- except for this one I took Gwen with me, and my first one was just my office holiday party. So I'm not sure either counts as a night out.

At bunco night (which John is irritated that I am calling bunco night, since we didn't play bunco), I had to nurse Gwen for the first time in public. Up to this point, I had only nursed in front of EVERYONE at the hospital, and the family that chooses to sit around me when I am nursing.

Gwen basically slept the entire time we were there, which was perfect. I was able to talk to everyone and not have to worry about her. And John and Graham got some solo time together also. All good.

From Wednesday.

Today. I forgot to take a photo of Gwen yesterday! Gasp! The horror.

Graham at 2 years 7 months

2011-12-07T11:35:00.000-05:00

A few days late...

Graham is a big brother.

He really isn't interested in being a big brother.

Graham doesn't like to be read to by someone holding Gwen.

He much prefers the other parent.

Graham repeats everything.

If you ask him what he did today he'll say "did today".

Potty training is still in the training stages.

Graham is still waking up too early.

He loves puzzles, pirates and "dora and boots".

He likes to pick out what he is going to wear.

Graham's stuffed animals, other than Mickey, have been kicked out of bed.

He likes to be covered up by ALL of his blankets at bedtime.

Graham loves his ABC books.

He loves olives, applesauce, and sweets.

Photography Challenge: Feet

2011-12-06T10:11:00.000-05:00

Gwen's Foot

I'm thinking up with Simplicity - my life in mostly photographs:

Free News

2011-12-06T09:52:00.000-05:00

I use to read the NY Times constantly on-line. It was my kind of paper. A while ago they change their format to make you pay for the news -- well beyond a free number of articles per month. Which I always hit on my work computer and my home computer. So then I'm left without the NY Times for the second half of the month. My prior phone had a NY Times app that must have been under the radar because I never hit my max articles on it. Now I have an iPhone -- and my free NY Times access is gone.

The app on the iPhone just allows you to read the front page, which isn't what I liked to read. I like to read the "most emailed" or "most popular" articles. If I want access to more than that on my phone I have to pay. Boo. I hate paying for things I think should be free (like shipping).

I've downloaded the Huffington Post app on my phone now, and it seems to be meeting my news needs so far. I get a lot of random news on there that I didn't get on the NY Times. Like about the Kardashians or Miley Cyrus. Now sometimes I know what is the latest pop culture gossip before John tells me.

I also started reading the Washington Post online, but it really doesn't please me. I think the format of the website sucks compared to the NY Times. I looked into downloading the Washington Post app, but the reviews were terrible, so I decided against it.

Where do you get your liberal slanted news? (The liberal slanted thing is important here -- I am not a fox news kind of girl.)

And a photo of my sweet baby girl. We had a good night last night. 2.5 hours between feedings, but she fell asleep immediately after the feeding.

Free Shipping

2011-12-05T10:31:00.000-05:00

I hate paying for shipping. I buy so much on amazon because of the amazon mom membership and the free shipping that comes along with that. I just discovered this morning that you get free shipping on target.com if you have the target red card. Amazing. Plus I spent about $32, but had $30 in gift cards, so I ended up only putting the $2 on my target card, but they took the 5% off the total purchase price, not just the part I put on the target card. I'm not 100% certain, but at the store, I think they only take the 5% off what was put on the target card.

Gwen had her first blowout this morning. What fun.

She didn't sleep well last night. We've been using the bouncy seat quite a bit, but without actually turning on the vibrating feature. Last night we had to pull out the big guns and let her go into vibrating bouncy seat bliss. After she fell asleep, she did sleep for a good amount of time -- she went four hours between both middle of the night feedings. It was just very difficult to get her to fall back asleep after eating.

John went back to work today. I'm sure he is exhausted (due to not wanting to sleep Gwen). He also wants me to post a retraction on this post, he did remove the tools from the bathroom (after I blogged about it). The tag is still hanging on the towel.

And Gwen.

Even More Photos

2011-12-04T13:23:00.000-05:00

We attempted another family photo last night...

Not too bad really. John and I are looking at the camera. You can't really tell that Graham had no interest in participating.

This morning (yes Gwen is wearing the same outfit), I tried to get Graham to pose for a photo with Gwen. This is the best I got. It sort of captures how Graham feels about Gwen. I'm sort of interested in you, but only from a distance.

And of course I took a billion photos of sweet Gwen.

More Photos

2011-12-03T11:16:00.000-05:00

Because it is just too easy to take photos of a newborn. She doesn't move from the nice light!

I love the tiny feet. Now when I look at Graham's hands and feet, they seem GIANT.

and an added bonus... I finally got Graham to sit in front of the Christmas tree. It is grainy but if Graham knew the expression he would tell me, "beggars can't be choosers."

After all he is sort of smiling.

John's Tasks

2011-12-02T10:27:00.000-05:00

John got two weeks off as a paternity benefit with work. A pretty amazing benefit. With that time he knocked a ton off of his never ending, "I can't believe you haven't done this yet" list. I really didn't need to much child-care help time, but it was really nice having him around the house. It got me out of the house (multiple target trips that I would probably not have done by myself) and out of some diaper changes.

The list:

1. Leveled of the pavers behind the back porch.

2. Painted the master bath (we took down the wall paper like 1.5 years ago... and by we, I mean John). Now we actually have a painted bathroom! Woo hoo!

(ignore the tools still on top of the bathtub, they'll be there until I take care of them, along with the tag on the towel, lets focus on the positive. I have a painted bathroom!)

3. Took our HUGE goodwill pile to goodwill and inventoried it for our taxes.

... see there is no longer a pile of diaper boxes next to the bookcase. Sure there is other junk and cords, but no boxes.

4. Took my van in to get fixed. Since we bought the van, I've known there is something funky with my transmission. We had a 30 day warranty -- and I took it in within those 30 days, and Carmax was not able to replicate the issue. So they gave me another 6 months for the problem to get worse, so they would be able to replicate it. This week John took it in, and they were able to replicate, and I am getting a free transmission. Woo hoo.

5. To offset the bonus of getting a free transmission, our furnace stopped working. The people were out last night, and it is going to cost $1500 to fix. Boo. But at least I have a newborn, without the newborn, it would have taken at least two weeks of arguing with John to convince him the heater was indeed not working, and to get him to get the repair people out here. With a newborn it only took about 24 hours.

6. Did some decorating in Gwen's bedroom.

7. And a whole lot of Christmas preparations.

Graham and John worked on this one together. They collected the pine cones from the backyard.

We have lighted garland in the playroom.

And some presents under the tree! The first morning that Graham saw the presents, he yelled "Presents!" and then tried to start opening them. Since then, he has successfully avoided that temptation. I was really surprised he knew they were called presents. He hasn't received a present since his birthday (in May).

John did all of that while I sat around and adored my baby girl. :)

Today

2011-12-01T09:12:00.000-05:00

Today is the anniversary of my mom's death. Two years.

I am not a sentimental person (it drives John insane). I know a lot of people use the anniversary of the death as a day to grieve, and to allow themselves to feel. I am not that controlled. It hits me on random days, and I'll have terrible random days (usually days that are already going terribly, so the grief will just be another layer on top of whatever else I'm feeling that day).

I miss my mom lots. I would love for her to be visiting right now, enjoying my newborn with me. I would love for her to be giving me advice on how to handle Graham right now. I would love to be able to tell her that she is crazy, and I think her advice is crazy. Because I could tell my mom that.

Okay so now I'm upset. See, I'm not that controlled.

I think Gwen looks like my mom.

I miss her.

Just a Phase

2011-12-01T07:51:00.001-05:00

With parenthood, I'm having to constantly remind myself that this is just a phase, just a phase, just a phase, and in a few days or weeks everything will be back to normal. Whether it be a fussy toddler because he is getting molars, or a toddler that is suddenly refusing to eat all vegetables.

Graham is going through a phase right now because he has a little sister. Last night he threw a huge fit because we wouldn't give him milk at bedtime -- a practice we eliminated months ago. He throws a fit if you suggest giving him a cup without a lid -- even though he mastered big boy cups eons ago. He isn't listening to us well. He is wanting to do everything on his own terms right now, I guess so he can have control of something (that is if I'm trying to psycho analyze a two year old).

I'm just reminding myself constantly that this is just a phase. In a week or two, we'll be back to normal Graham (fingers crossed).

As a positive, yesterday we all (John, Gwen and I) went to pick up Graham from daycare. Sherrie asked Graham if she could keep Gwen, and he flat out refused. So maybe...just maybe he does have some fond feelings for his sister.

A Willing Partcipant

2011-11-30T06:20:00.001-05:00

One benefit of a newborn is mine is a willing participant in photo sessions. Unlike my 2 year old.

Having some fun with the Christmas tree lights.

And a close up.

Then some fun with focus and the Christmas lights.

Graham got home from daycare as I was having this fun, and I asked him, begged him to sit on the chair, but he absolutely refused.

Gwen

2011-11-29T07:09:00.001-05:00

Here she is 7 days old.

Sweet baby girl.

Family Photo

2011-11-28T09:09:00.000-05:00

Graham didn't even notice he was sitting near Gwen. He normally refuses to sit next to her, but the TV was on, and Dora was calling Graham's name. And doing something funny. And it sort of doesn't look like Graham is watching TV.

Our first family of four photo. The three people who are awake are looking at the camera, that is a victory. Ignore my stupid smile, my big belly, and the shirt with evidence of leaky boobs.

Gwen's Christmas Photos

2011-11-26T19:10:00.000-05:00

Love.

So Much to be Thankful for

2011-11-25T09:07:00.000-05:00

There is so much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving:

A healthy baby GIRL! (I still catch myself thinking she is a boy! It doesn't help that we are dressing her in Graham's old clothes.)

A rock star hubby taking one for the team by cleaning the house, doing laundry, and keeping Graham occupied.

Having family in Jacksonville. I really don't know what we would have done without Kinsey while I was in the hospital. It is lovely having family in the same city you live in.

Friends. Especially those that bring a homemade prepared Thanksgiving dinner over to your house. Yum.

That breastfeeding is going well so far.

Sleep. Because Gwen has a super night sleeper so far, waking up to eat every 3 hours, and then promptly falling back asleep. Hopefully I am not jinxing myself.

For second (and last) babies. And the reduced worrying that I am experiencing. And the fact that I will not be pregnant again (unless I change my mind). And the fact that this will be the last c-section I have (unless I change my mind).

It's a Girl

2011-11-24T07:18:00.000-05:00

We came home from the hospital last night with Gwendolyn Frances. We've totally settled on calling her Gwen, when we don't accidentally call her Graham or just call her the baby. She was 7 pounds 13.5 ounces and 21 inches long, and born on November 21st at 8:04am.

I haven't uploaded an photos just yet, but I'm sure I will very soon.

Last night sleeping went well, she fell asleep between each feeding, hopefully that continues. She is nursing really well, and right now I'm just dealing with achy milk coming in breasts.

I am so happy she was a full-term baby, and I am getting to see how wonderful it is to have a non-NICU baby. The experience is completely different. I knew it was hard to have a baby in the NICU, but I didn't realize the contrast between the normal nursery.

The Baby!

2011-11-21T07:00:00.002-05:00

Gwendon is scheduled to be born today (right about the time this is posting actually...)!!

Here are some of Graham's first photos:

This was the first time I got to hold in in the NICU.

Right after the c-section before he was taken to the NICU. John is about ready to faint.

Goofy

2011-11-19T17:18:00.002-05:00

When I tell Graham that he is goofy, he always responds, "no Mickey Mouse".

The end.

2011-11-18T07:09:00.000-05:00

I'm almost done.
Today is my last day at work (well until my 12 weeks are up).
The baby is coming at the latest on Monday, although I would prefer for it to come on Saturday or Sunday, because of the way our waiting period works on my STD benefit. Saturday or Sunday would save me a day or two of PTO to use after the STD benefit runs out.
It is going to be the weirdest thing to go to the hospital on Monday morning, not in labor, to have this baby. Weird.
Kinsey has strep throat. She is getting kicked out if she gets the baby sick. :) (only partly joking).
I had my worst pregnancy day on Tuesday. I was so ready to have the baby. Thankfully I feel better now. I'm okay with waiting until Monday.
Graham will tell you the baby is coming next week. We opened a baby toy a friend sent us the other day, and Graham is scared of it. Totally frightened. He says the baby will be allowed to play with it, but not Graham or Mom or Dad.
John just read this post and told me it wasn't interesting at all. Sorry for boring you.

Belly Bump - 38 Weeks

2011-11-17T19:03:00.002-05:00

Only a few more days!

What it is like to be Married to John

2011-11-16T06:38:00.000-05:00

A few months ago, I was talking to one of my friend's husbands, and he randomly told me a story about seeing a very very pregnant woman pumping her own gas (when it was hot in August) and how he almost offered to this random woman to pump the gas for her.

Flip to my life.

Last week Kinsey was having car problems. We all sort of shared 2 cars between the three of us, and that usually involved Kinsey dropping me off at work, and John and I doing a car transfer in the afternoon. On Wednesday, John gave me the car with the gas light on. His very pregnant wife.

My friend's husband wanted to pump a complete stranger's tank of gas. My husband was happy that was getting out of pumping his own gas by making his very pregnant wife pump it.

Woah.

2011-11-15T06:33:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting here totally unprepared to have baby #2. Even though Graham came at 34 weeks, I think I was more prepared for him. The baby will have clothes, milk, and diapers, but I haven't devoted anytime to thinking about logistics of having a second child. I mostly just avoid thinking about it. It is quite unlike me since typically I analyze this sort of think at an obsessive level.

John and I were talking about this over the weekend, we both just feel unprepared. Maybe part of it is knowing what is coming, and after you know what it is like, how could you possible prepare?

I am mostly spending most of my time wishing/hoping that this baby sleeps like a champ. At night.

Oh, and ways I can photograph the baby for our Christmas card. Yep. That is what I am focusing my energy on. Important productive things.

Solo Weekend

2011-11-14T06:27:00.000-05:00

This past weekend, John took Graham to Walt Disney World, and I got to spend the weekend alone!

I got to sleep until almost 8.

I went to Whole Foods... normally I just think that it is too far, and I never go. But this weekend I went.

I went to Target twice (that wasn't really different than normal... except normally I would have to deal with Graham while at Target).

I went to Jo-Ann Fabrics. And browsed at my pace.

I cleaned the baby's room again (we had visitors between the last time I cleaned it and now, and the baby's room was where the air mattresses were set up).

I watched crime drama on TV on a Saturday afternoon during football season.

I got to watch Criminal Minds (John thinks it is too disturbing, and it is).

I didn't have to tell anyone no. Or that is closed.

I didn't have to nag anyone.

I washed all of the baby stuff that needed washing.

I didn't clean the playroom. It is just as messy as it was on Friday when John and Graham left.

I ate chips and salsa and guacamole for lunch.

I had a movie date with a friend on Friday night, and we talked during the movie. I love having friends that okay with talking during the movie.

When I was out and about running my errands, I tried to appreciate the smiles I got because of my big belly because I only have a few more days to enjoy.

When I was out and about running my errands, I really did enjoy the looks I got after I told them I'm due next Monday (technically I'm not due next Monday, but I'm scheduled that day, so I've just starting saying I'm due that rather than get into all of those details with random strangers that are just being polite). I guess either I don't look that big (I do look that big) or it generally shocks people that someone who that close to their due date is still out and about running errands. While I do love some crime dramas, I have 12 weeks after the baby is born to watch more than my fill of crime dramas.

Crazy People

2011-11-13T08:38:00.000-05:00

John and Graham met John's sister and her family at Walt Disney World over the weekend. I didn't go because I'm 37.5 weeks pregnant. And it would be completely ridiculous walking around WDW at the pace that I walk.

On Friday night, John took Graham on the Haunted Mansion ride, and when they were done, Graham's stroller was missing. Fortunately, John had my camera, his keys, and cellphone on him, and not in the stroller. However the stroller had everyone's sweatshirts, a cell phone, backpack, and Graham's diaper bag.

Disney was great, and gave all 7 of them vouchers to go buy new sweatshirts (they should have been about $250 all in). They said that typically what happens is once the family that took the stroller realize they took the wrong one, they'll leave the stroller where ever they are, and in the morning it'll be in lost and found.

That night after John and Graham left, John's sister found their backpack. It was just tossed aside at the park. The stroller was not with the backpack.

The next morning John and Graham went to lost and found, and the stroller was there with everything else except one sweatshirt.

So the family that took the stroller 1) realized that they took the wrong stroller, 2) decided to leave the backpack on the ground, 3) decided that one sweatshirt was worth wearing and keeping, and 3) kept on using the stroller for the rest of the night, but 4) left the stroller in the park after they got their use out of it.

People are crazy. I can definitely understand accidentally taking the wrong stroller. Lots look really similar to ours, and it was dark. But I completely do not understand realizing you took the wrong one, and then just continuing on, taking a sweatshirt out, and dumping the backpack. All of that dumbfounds me.

11/11/11

2011-11-11T11:11:00.003-05:00

Happy Birthday Kaci!!! :)

(Kaci, note that I posted it at 11:11 AM est too)

John Pretending Graham is Six

2011-11-10T07:17:00.000-05:00

John decided to breakout some of his childhood pirate Lego sets... you know the kind that say appropriate for ages 7-12.

Graham and John played with "Forbidden Island" for an hour and half when I was getting a pedicure.

Graham loved the completely not age appropriate toy. So much that the next morning when he saw the box sitting on the counter, and I told him no, he only plays that with daddy, he threw a huge fit.

Belly Bump - 37 Weeks

2011-11-09T07:16:00.000-05:00

Feeling pretty pregnant these days...

Not the best photo of me ever. The photo was taken in Kinsey's bathroom, she splatters on the mirror when she brushes her teeth.